Editor's note: This week, GNMParents writer Barb Lattin asks for your suggestions — how do you "green" your spouse?
Have you seen Ed Begley, Jr.'s show Living With Ed? If you missed it, it's a "reality" show that follows Ed and his wife, Rachelle Carson, as they go about their daily lives.
Why would following this couple around be interesting? Because Ed is "green" and Rachelle isn't.
I made sure to set it up in my Tivo because I didn't want to miss one episode. You see, their "green relationship" is mine and my husband's, only reversed. I thought that I'd glean some tips on how to make encourage my husband to be more friendly to the environment.
Dave and I have been together for more than 14 years and I feel I've scarcely made an impact on him. Despite all my efforts over the years, he continues to choose eco-unfriendly behaviors: he throws recyclables in the trash, he'll put a disposable diaper (used for away from home) on our son instead of cloth, and he keeps "the pedal to the metal", even if the light's red up ahead.
I am completely frustrated by his lack of interest in choosing the environmental option and don't know what to do about it. I've tried so many different ways to encourage his environmentalism:
- I've explained to him why it's important
- I've shown him how simple it is to make green choices
- I've shared statistics with him
- I've gotten angry with him
- I've told him he's disrespectful of me because he doesn't respect something about which I'm passionate
None of them seem to have made any impact.
I told Dave about the series and was surprised to find out he was interested in watching it with me. And although we both found the show quite funny, I soon regretted "letting" him watch it.
Not only did the series not give me any ideas on how to help my husband, it made my point even more arguable to him. While we were both laughing at the show, we were laughing at different things: Dave would laugh at "what" Rachelle was saying while I would laugh at the fact that she was saying it.
Ed also has the finances to live the kind of green lifestyle that I'd love to live, even if it is probably more extreme than I'd ever be. Dave saw Ed as a zealot, his lifestyle unrealistic – at least for us and most others. Still, a lot of what Ed said (to Rachelle or to the cameras) were reminiscent of things I've said to my husband.
What I just don't understand is why don't the points that make environmentalism important to me make it important to my husband?
Now my husband is in his 40's and I'm wondering: Is he too set in his ways? Can I have hope that we won't be having these discussions when he's in his 80's?
Or do I need to get over my frustration that he's just tolerating my green ways instead of embracing them himself? I've heard there will be a second season of Living With Ed. It's my hope that this time the show will highlight the "why's" of the choices Ed¹s making and be more educational, instead of it being a showcase of the back-and-forth between Ed and his wife about the choices around their house. Then I might finally get some ideas to use against with my husband.
Mr. Begley, care to share some tips with me?